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(Proverbs 31:25-26)
"She is clothed with strength and dignity; She can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." |
| Tunes in My Head |
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| Monday, October 04, 2004 |
| Sunday Service |
Hey all!
Had a great time today just being with the sistas during morning devo and also enjoyed Wee Keong's sermon alot! I just wanna also commend Vanessa for her great singing and for Wee Keong who laid the truth out for all of us to see... THANKS, GOD!
Well, reflecting on the devotional this morning, I just have to say that I've got quite a few mixed feelings about it. Joanna did a great lesson sharing about her struggles and abt how we shld look at our struggles with God in mind. Her sharing was illustrated with pictures! So cute... haha. macham remind of primary school. =P No lah, she just 'impacted' me with her growth loh... And it brought me to start to think about my own growth. Cos I think I feel quite stagnant. I'm like neither here nor there; neither up nor down. I'm not too sure how I can go abt getting myself out of the rut. Yeah, I know I can start with delving really deeply into the Bible but it seems like just an extension of knowledge. Being more passionate for God in my daily activities... well it seems that it's just actions. So I was just wondering about this...
Then Wee Keong shared abt Growing during the sermon. I was like going 'woah' inside. Wow, God really got plans for me man. Actually, think I knew the answers to my questions but it's just whether I wanted to make a commitment to the answers... like my diet plans. bleh. For me to grow, I really need to have a Christlike motivation. Not for my own glory; not for other ppl; but because God wants me to grow. He loves me so much that he gave me so many different talents and opportunities and different people to help to grow. And I find myself becoming less grateful and taking God's blessings more for granted... It is so easy for me to settle back to a kind of routine or schedule. Yeah, I can still be very passionate about God in my singing and even in my bible studies, etc. However, the joy are short-lived. I find myself constantly battling with negative feelings every night before I sleep. I find myself not wanting to wake up to do things. I find myself feeling very tired everyday. I feel very drained and use this as an excuse to not grow.
And Wee Keong highlighted something to me. Why am I always feeling so tired? So burnt out? Oh... because I refuse to let go. I refuse to let go of people that saps me of my energy. I'll feel guilt stricken if I dun reach out to this friend or if I dun listen to this friend's problems, etc. However, am I really guilt-stricken? Or am I doing it because I think I'm supposed to be living up to my 'loving' reputation? I realised that I'm not giving ppl any choices as well. Some people want to let go of my hand and just dive. I'm stil holding on because I know the hurts and pains that wait for them. However, I forget that they also have to make the choice to dive though they know the hurts and pains that wait for them. So when I try to stop them. I find myself always almost dropping into the chasm with them. Please Father, help me be able to let go. Help me be able to let ppl make their own choices. Let me love them but not control their lives. Also give me the strength to say no to people. To speak the truth to people who I know need it but I just keep waiting for a 'better chance' to say it. Well, there's no better chance than 'now'. Help me Lord, to be grateful and to love the people like how You love me. You never wanted to dictate my life. You wanted me to make my own choices. You let me know the pros and cons and was always there for me when I need You. It's just whether I wanted to seek You anot. You know that You can't force me to go to you; however it's the knowledge and the assurance that You will be waiting for me; to comfort, to love and to listen. Help me be able to let go of my worries. Thanks God... Your example of love is so hard to follow but it's really the only true way...
I must also admit, I felt some BA towards a certain somebody todae... Nope, it's not a sister.. but a brother. However, I find myself being so critical of him that it's wrong of me. What right do I have to judge someone so harshly? Am I not like that before? Please remove this resentment within me. Help me able to love the brother as I should before and not be judgemental. Let me not be prejudiced and apply stereotypes. Let me remember that I'm human too...
I ain't a very submissive sister lah...Nor a very disciplined one... yep. Hmm, think I shld go back to working on my diet plans. Learned from Irene that I really need to be broken abt this. Not because of my concern for outer appearance but I shld do it for my health and also for spiritual growth. Mebbe u might be scratching ur head as inhow weight and diet can be linked to spiritual growth. Well, it can. I'm taking enough care of my 'temple of God'. So i really need to repent and reflect on this. Aniwaes, nites all. I shall be posting my diet plans tml in the blog. heh... help me accountable k? Cyas all!
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ranted by Jerraine @ 1:09 AM  |
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