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(Proverbs 31:25-26)
"She is clothed with strength and dignity; She can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." |
| Tunes in My Head |
Create your own Friend Test here |
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| Tuesday, May 02, 2006 |
| my love story (?) |
Got an email from a friend about doing this interesting test... so as I was feeling drowsy I went to do the test before I go back to my revision (!!!). and tadah. here's my primary and secondary love story. It really made me smile all the way... heh not telling you all why. *grin* (i did leave some comments in italics~)
[I have included the link to the test liao. u might have to register urself.;)]
disclaimer : if u feel uncomfortable reading such stuff about me, pls do not read it. thanks.
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Loving Too Much is your primary Love Story
The Loving Too Much story stems from your overflowing love and hope. Sometimes, however, it can be muddied by misguided feelings, expectations and sometimes, an unrequited desire. (hmmm... okay quite a general start...)
The people you're most attracted to are usually just out of reach and all the more alluring for it — like those early crushes on teen idols. The less available your partner is, emotionally and physically, the more desirable he becomes. (eh... not realli. lol i dun think i am so pain-selfinflicting-freak.)
You daydream (okay, this is true), and your imagination fills in the details that reality hasn't provided. Do you ever seek out indirect contact with this person, visiting his workplace or getting to know his friends? Do you find yourself dreaming about marriage after a second date, or perhaps after a quick affair(me a THIRD PARTY??? *faints*)? The hit film "Fatal Attraction" illustrates an extreme version of the Loving Too Much story — taking it to abnormal levels. What it doesn't fully explore is the capacity for love that you probably possess.
People who share your story have plenty to offer, but they tend to put too much love into someone they shouldn't. Some people also interpret their partner's actions as they want to, not necessarily as they were intended. Sometimes this happens because they spend more time focusing on the fantasy of a relationship rather than the reality of one. It is also possible that you assign characteristics of your last love to the person you are dating. (hahahahaha...)
Psychologists see people projecting all the time. Projecting feelings about one person onto another. Do you know the person you have developed feelings for, or are you projecting what they might be like because they seem to match what you want in life? Do you fall for anyone in a lab coat because you want to marry a doctor? Do you ignore strong feelings for a long-time friend because he isn't a doctor? (a bit Freudian here aint it?)
The Greeks had Venus and the Romans had Aphrodite. Your archetypal love story has been filling the pages of literature and poetry for centuries, though recently it's been negatively promoted by Hollywood. In film, the extreme form of your story can be found in the stalker of "Play Misty for Me." But let's not forget the classic "Cyrano De Bergerac," whose obsession with a woman is stymied by his fear she'll reject him over the size of his nose. In a more contemporary version of the tale, "The Truth About Cats and Dogs," Janeane Garofalo plays a woman obsessed with a man she's too afraid to court herself. These love stories are powerful precisely because they are shared by so many. Though the settings change, the story remains the same.
Loving Too Much is about the things in life that you don't think you can have, then learning to create a more realistic ideal for yourself and your partner. It's about working through the fear of rejection, insecurities, and overwhelming longing to love wholly and completely. (haha... hmmm food for thought eh?)
How your love story affects you and your relationships
Absence certainly makes your heart grow fonder — especially when it comes to your love story. Do you embrace romances that are, by necessity, somewhat distant? Do you gravitate towards long-distant relationships or affairs with married people? Do you tend to feel the people you're interested in are always unavailable or out of your league?
When you fall, do you fall hard, or do you immediately develop feelings for someone else? When a relationship ends, do you take it personally? And when it comes to crushes, do you find yourself thinking about the person while you're buying a new pair of shoes, doing laundry, drying your hair? Some people also go out of their way to grab their crush's attention. When you're in a relationship, you might go all out: flowers, dinners, gifts and notes. Sometimes these gestures are appreciated; but sometimes they come off as coming on too strong.
Your take-charge attitude isn't limited to things of love. You might be assertive in your career, and other relationships as well. You may be overcompensating for an earlier disappointment by overachieving in current realms of your life. If your undivided attention to your partner arises out of wanting someone who's out of reach, you might fill your life with as many cues to that person as possible. Is your closet stuffed with photographs, favorite songs, old emails, and other mementos? Do you repeatedly go over real and imagined scenarios — chance meetings and romantic encounters — in your mind? If the object of your desire is someone who rejected you, these feelings may be even stronger. You imagine that getting back together will magically erase painful feelings of sadness and anger.
Regardless of how your past stories have played out, you are capable of finding the right person. Just make sure you're not lying to yourself or to him and let go of past fears of rejection and inadequacy. Your love story has a happy ending after all. An ending that will appreciate just how deeply you give yourself to your relationships. (kurara... haha... this reminds me of sth. :P)
How to avoid common mistakes
Obsession is a natural thing — it's how we maintain that rush of excitement after first meeting someone. Thoughts about them dominate our brains almost as if we can spend more time with them in our heads even if we can't spend more time with them physically. But if these initial thoughts and fantasies go on for too long, if they become compulsive, you're heading down the wrong path. If you allow thoughts about this potential partner to distract you from your responsibilities or from doing things that you used to like to do, you might want to stop for a moment and question yourself. Have you grown out of your previous hobbies because it was time, or because you are trying to be someone new for this person? That's not always a bad thing, but it is something you should at least ask yourself.
Also, find the courage to think about why you are interested in this person in particular. Does he look like someone you once dated — could that be why you overlook some of his less attractive qualities? Does he share a profession or background common to someone you wish you were still with? If so, challenge yourself and the possibility that you are projecting past feelings onto a current relationship. Even if you are, you can redirect your attention and learn to focus more on getting to know this man. You may even surprise yourself and discover that his unique qualities are a better match for you than any you could have dreamed up on your own. (... ohhh another hmmm)
How to recognize someone who's healthy for you
The difference between a healthy relationship and past ones is the feelings are mutual. No more heart-wrenching breakups followed by long, slow recovery periods for you! With patience and devotion, you'll land a great catch. You'll feel good about yourself, confident that the relationship is strong. And what a relief that your significant other will feel the same way.
If the roots of your complete focus on your partner lie in insecurity, then a healthy relationship will only be with someone who adores you for who you are and makes you feel great about yourself. Although a long-distance relationship might work out for you, in general you'll get more fulfillment in the long run out of a person who's more available.
As with all love stories, yours is just a story — though one that affects you deeply. You can find ways to use your drive in positive ways, pushing you to improve yourself or make the most of a happy relationship. Knowing your story and its roots in your psychology and life experiences, you also have the power to move beyond it, letting go of those huge crushes once and for all and finding yourself a love that will indeed endure the test of time.
Love Conquers All is your secondary Love Story
(sounds so fairytale hor?)
At its core, the Love Conquers All story is very romantic, triumphant, and full of courage to face yourself with honesty. The catalyst for change in your love story is usually a pivotal event, circumstance, or reevaluation of yourself.
Where should you look for these pivotal moments? Challenges may come from family and society — even yourself. Do loved ones disapprove of your partner, raise concerns you hadn't previously cared that much about? Turning points may also stem from previous obligations at work, or in promises you've made to others. Do you reschedule or delay plans with your partner because you feel the need to honor responsibilities at the office? Do you prioritize taking care of a friend in need over the needs of your mate?
These themes are echoed throughout history and recorded in diaries, novels, television and films. In Jane Austin's novel "Emma" for example, the protagonist put everybody else's romantic needs before her own. Had she not stopped to question herself, she would have missed a chance for love altogether. Was she just looking after her friends? Or was she guarding herself from the potential hurt of a relationship or unrequited love? (I LOVE THE BOOK!eh i love alot of books. lol)
Ambition to be loyal to loved ones, move ahead at work, improve your home, see the world — these are all good things. But sometimes, they take precedence over your love life — whether you are conscious of it or not. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but think about it. Are you ever afraid of being held back from your goals? Or that a relationship might make attaining those goals a slower process, or change them completely?
Remember Nicolas Cage in the film "Family Man"? Through a strange twist of fate, he's given the opportunity to see life as it might have been had he gotten married instead of pursued successes at work. Though fantastical and magical, he experiences a jarring event, and through it, realizes he has different priorities. He would give up his important job and expensive belongings to be with the one woman he realizes he truly loves. And he realizes that his initial choice to pursue his career instead of pursue his relationship was driven not by his hopes for success, but his fear of taking on the seriousness of his relationship. With this insight, he has the courage to face himself, not preexisting hopes and goals.
Even if fate doesn't throw obstacles in your way, it's possible that you do. Do you shy away from romantic commitments? Do you make excuses for not dating? Do you wish your relationships never progressed passed the lovey-dovey stage? Are the people you date "all wrong" for you? There's a reason you're holding back from pursuing a good thing. You may put excuses between you and another person, or you may intentionally pick the wrong person to give you an out, an alternative to getting serious. The real courage in your love story comes from taking a good look at yourself, and questioning your motivations.
Once you recognize this as your story, you will indeed have the courage and the insight to question yourself and make a commitment, or break with someone before external events force you to. In this manner, Courage is one of the most noble and truthful love stories out there.
In "Notting Hill," Julia Roberts plays a movie star whose career (not to mention awful boyfriend) get in the way of a fledgling romance with a London bookseller (Hugh Grant). In "Autumn in New York," a cheating playboy played by Richard Gere finds himself in love with a dying 22-year-old. Will he mend his ways before it's too late? The love story that drives these plots is the same that drives your fantasies and relationships, which is why these stories can be so powerful. Of course, in the movies it's always clear just whom the lead person should hook up with. In real life, it's quite a bit harder. Love Conquers All, and now you're equipped to find it.
How your love story affects you and your relationships
Whether you realize it or not, you might be slightly at odds with yourself when it comes to matters of love. On the one hand, you might be ready for the love of your life. On the other hand, you might want to protect yourself from a potential hurt should that love not work out. Do you view love suspiciously at times? Avoid the traditional trappings of romance — flowers, chocolates, and Valentine's Day? Perhaps you've had your heart broken one too many times, or you so desperately want a true love, that you are almost afraid of failing on your way to it.
At times, you can be fiercely independent. Though, painful memories of a past relationship, or aspirations to success in other areas of your life, can sometimes make you less of a risk-taker in the land of love. Do you have tunnel vision unless a dramatic event grabs your attention? Maybe you equate settling down with the right person as a one-way ticket to the retirement community. You may avoid relationships altogether, or you may prefer to keep them casual. Do you have a reputation for being a player? Do you date lots of people at once, preventing any one relationship from going too far? Or do you tend to make excuses when it comes to romance, placing work or other obligations in between you and a potential lover?
On one level, your love story is driven by an underlying faith that "the one" is out there waiting for you. On another level, you might not want to search for it because you don't want to fail in finding it. Whatever the basis, fear probably contributes to your story, whether fear of commitment, fear of settling down, fear of rejection, or fear of what other people may think. If your partner comes from a different background - social, ethnic, economic, you might be afraid to introduce friends to him.
Fortunately, love is stronger than whatever challenges you might face. Though you may subconsciously sabotage aspects of a relationship to protect yourself, love will likely prove stronger. When given the choice to walk away or take a chance with a soul mate, you will take the chance when it is right. And remember, you are not bound to this love story. Once you understand it and the role it plays in your life, you can make the most of it, or you can decide it's no longer working for you and that it's time to move on.
How to avoid common mistakes
Love could be staring you in the face, and you might not even see it. The biggest pitfall for you is letting your issues get in the way of a good thing. You need to expand your vision and consider the big picture. If some experience or situation has soured you on love, or has made it too unbearably perfect to stand, it's time to address it! Confidence in yourself and optimism in the future will keep you from missing out on something truly special.
It's okay to have standards and rules, but make sure you haven't built a fortress around yourself. Our values change as we grow older. When's the last time you rethought the direction you're heading in life? Revaluate what's most important to you — not to others, not to the dreams you had when you were 15 or 20 or 31 — what's important to you now, at this moment, at this age? Don't be afraid to change the priorities in your life. You don't get points for following previous life dreams if they no longer represent your current hopes and desires.
How to recognize someone who's right for you
Romance for you begins with a sudden, unexpected rush. It's probably a gut feeling you have about someone that you subsequently squelch or question. Maybe the person is your opposite, which is why his contrasting characteristics jar you into noticing him. Or perhaps you share such a strong, common, interest, you can't believe he's finally arrived after all of these years. (this sounds... so dramatic. but quite me. haha!!!)
Someone who's right for you will probably show up unexpectedly, but the surprise will get your attention. Once you're looking, prepare to be impressed. Did you realize your quiet colleague was also an accomplished musician? Has it suddenly dawned on you that your best friend is attracted to you? You have more fun with your dentist than anyone you've met in ages. Your next-door neighbor cooks like a four-star chef. Who knew?
Of course, you won't see anyone who's right for you, if you're not looking. So lose the shades! If you're dating multiple people at once, why not whittle it down to the one who really interests you? Maybe you should be single for awhile. That might make it easier for someone to approach you. Haven't dated in a year? It's time to figure out why. Look at how you're spending your time. Is one area of your life taking up more than its fair share? Maybe you've met someone you want to be with, but there's some obstacle between the two of you. This will be a true test of your devotion. Overcome it, and you'll form a deeper bond.
It's okay to be picky! Maybe your reluctance has protected you from bad mistakes, but maybe it's prevented you from seeing a true love standing right in front of your face. Now that you understand your love story, you're equipped with knowledge that can keep you from missing a good opportunity. You can take charge of your love story and make it work for you, or move on. Whatever you decide, your independence and courage will take you far in life and in love. Indeed, in your happy ending, Love Conquers All. |
ranted by Jerraine @ 7:31 PM  |
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