| Royal Hearing |
|
|
| Favourite |
(Proverbs 31:25-26)
"She is clothed with strength and dignity; She can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." |
| Tunes in My Head |
Create your own Friend Test here |
|
| Wednesday, July 20, 2005 |
| Hormones talking... or just Emotions overrun? Or What? |
Weird... Todae I had a good day shopping and running errands with Jen... however, on my way home, I felt this sense of sadness.... loneliness... thus I called... Ling. It made me feel better after talking to a sista who is so faithful and trusting in the Lord. It's just weird how I am feeling... as I'm typing right now... I feel like crying... and I don't know why! Zilch...
Maybe it's hormones... or maybe it's due to my friend... actually... I think I am considering many things. I just feel that I realli have a big problem with relationships. I can't handle them well... whether it's past or present. Ppl seem to think "ah... study psychology one... sure high EQ" or sth similar... I am sorry... I don't think it's true. My relationship with males in general is quite in a mess... except for some cases. My relationship with God still got lotsa improvement needed... it's too many ups & downs. my relationship with my father is not improving as yet... I explained things to him but I think he wont ever apologize at least in the short term. my relationship with ZM... is one of its kind. I think the scar is permanent and here to stay... had a talk with him at Yew Tee... he's doing much betta. Suddenly all the memories just came rushing back... and it's still scrolling around and around in my mind. All the sad, angry, happy, touched memories... I think I am getting too emotional... it must be hormones... Find it hard to be true to myself in front of brothers... always want to gek strong... must gek that I am okay... why am i so gek? so fake? so hypocritical?
I am a Big Fake. Yeah... I wear so many masks... that I lose myself... I dun even know who am I... Was supposed to be finding some parts of myself... but I wanna give up. It's too hard... too tough... too long... Help God... I am sinking into depths of negativity...
Argh... can't stand this... there's two voices in my head... one is the 'negative' voice... one is the 'positive' voice. I am going crazy. Think I should just sleep... and not think too much.
Bye to whoever may read this. Please dun get frightened that I am mentally ill or need help immediately. Just writing down what's going thru in my mind during this time... |
ranted by Jerraine @ 1:02 AM  |
|
|
|
|
|
