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(Proverbs 31:25-26)
"She is clothed with strength and dignity; She can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." |
| Tunes in My Head |
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| Wednesday, June 14, 2006 |
| Joy? |
"I am committed to letting him choose for me what gifts I will have, and to embracing his choice with all my heart. I will not spend my life pining away for something he has not chosen for me." (Helen Roseveare)
"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." - Matthew 6:33
When I read what Helen Roseveare wrote, I really felt deeply challenged. Why? Well... I always like to say "Okay I know God has the best plans for me... so let me not worry so much about it." However, I think I never said the word "committed". "Committed" is a strong word. I am rather fussy over the words people choose when they communicate. (sorry ah... i will continue to learn how to be less fussy.) See? Even when i want to change, I never sae the word "committed" so much. I think the numbr of times this word appeared in my speech vocabulary can be counted on my ten fingers. And I talk a lot. Last time, I remembered being challenged about the kind of mindset I have when I want to change. I kept using the word "need" when I was describing the lifestyle changes I was going to attept to do. Irene challenged me about my lack of passion, my lack of true godly desire. I never once used the word "want" in my whole conversation with her. Why is this so? Because in my heart, I still struggled to commit to the changes I was going to set out to do. To me then, changes are just ... well, changes. They do not mean much to me except that they will make me more healthy, help me be more productive, help me be more efficient. bleah bleah. a lot of head knowledge. Very little went into my heart.
Presently, I am not claiming that I am soooo inspired and constantly sooo motivated to keep changing. However, I have been trying. It has been not easy for me to kill my old habits... even harder to get rid of the old mindsets (if you read my looong past blog entries, you may find some traces). God has been pushing me to change also... albeit sometimes I do wish He does so with a gentler touch (not saying I complain He being rough ah.) I just the challenges were easier. haha but then, if the challenge was easy, I dun think I will change. hehe. such is the evil in my heart. :P
okay i have been diverted. I was trying to also look deeper in the context of why Jesus said what He said in Matthew 6. I was like why the people still worry when Jesus was around? Jesus is like THE man lo. Why did Jesus raise this issue so early in his preaching to the masses? Because Jesus knows that we will continue to struggle with worries and broken dreams as long as we live on this earth. As humans, our desires are scarcely totally fulfilled. We almost always want more. I don't wish to overgeneralize but those who escaped out of this are rare and far too few. Even people who have been content wants to learn how to be even more content!! Quite a paradox hor? But anyway, did the people worry less when they heard the message? I don't think everyone did. I think in the back of their minds, they were beginning to worry about why Jesus said the message and how would the people around them react to the message. Very few people do respond purely to Jesus's call. Even the 12 disciples were unfaithful to Jesus at different times.
I am not saying that we are oh-so-perfect-that-we-will-not-worry-forever-liao. But... how do we exactly do with our worries? Another reason why Jesus says all this is also to reassure us that "hey, when you worry, tell me. dun do nothing with your worry but tell me and COMMIT it to me. Trust me to find what's best for you." Notice that Jesus never say exactly what "things" are. Why? Because all our needs are different. :)
so... what prevents you from reveling in God's plan for you? what kills your joy?
(actually I edited this quite a bit. i chose not to publish certain entries yet. :P just wanna explain why I did not set out to do what I said I was going to do -to share my quiet time more frequently.) |
ranted by Jerraine @ 12:32 AM  |
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