Then the whole lesson ended at 7pm. I had Combined Leader's Meeting @ 7.30pm @ Paya Lebar. Yeah... I'm still at NUS (Clementi) at 701pm. I had no lunch nor dinner yet. Called Vanessa to buy me some bread. Then I rushed down to Paya Lebar. Okay, reached there at 8ish pm. Had a great lesson by John who talked abt the lack of courage in leaders nowadaes. I like whenever John preached. He's always able to just add that touch of X-factor and zing to any sermon he does. Not that I dun appreciate other ppl's sermons; I just always end up feeling a bit more zinged after John's sermon. During his whole sermon, my mind kept struggling with a decision. Yup, I'm getting to the point of my title. And the struggle was huge... I've been struggling with that decision ever since I became a leader. I managed to shelve it and buried it under a lot of other thoughts but todae it was surfacing again and unlike other times when it threatened to surface, I finally decided to just pluck up the courage to do it. I made that decision after Vanessa told me that the NUS sisters are really not tough on one another.

I have decided to be hard on myself. Maybe u'll go 'huh?' Well, what I meant was I decided to really carry the cross of Jesus every single day. That meaning that I will be hard on myself not only on just the important issues; but also on issues that may seem to be minor. Like punctuality, having valid excuses not going to service, reading romance novels, really sticking to my diet and exercise plans. Why such a deicison? Well, I always find it hard to tell the truth to people I'm close to, and to sisters as well. Why? I've always thought that it's because I really treasured their friendship and I don't want to jeopardize the friendship... So I dealt with putting God first in all my relationships. Okay, it helped me but it still din make me change as much as expected. Why? Because there's another reason due to this. I din have the courage to be hard on someone. Because when I'm hard on someone; I need to be hard on myself. And I find it very very difficult to be hard on myself. Basically it's abt my discipline. I may be upset/discouraged by it but I was never broken enough abt it. Finally, after this long while, I think I finally really made the decision.

HOW? I decided to start with small steps first. So my decisions is as below:
1) Stop reading all the romance Chinese novels. Yeah, I only read the storylines and I do pick the 'clean' authors... but it's still not a healthy thing to read.
2) To be there for my sisters and brothers in NUS for activities - to cut down on the 'valid excuses' for my absences- even in hangouts.
3) To stick to my diet plan.
Okay, remember how I promised to share abt my diet plans todae? Yeah... Irene told me to be very focused and specific and really to pray for my brokenheartness. Please do help me to remain accountable!! It's going to start tml.

1) Fast food meals are only allowed once a month.
2) No chocolate -zilch- until I lose 6 kg.
3) No soft drinks for me - I can only drink tea, coffee, milk, or green tea.
4) Ice cream only allowed once a month.
5) No tidbits between 3 meals - only fruits and green salads with minimal dressing are allowed.
6) When I eat outside, I shall only eat one meal of rice/starchy foods with 1 meat dish/2 veggies max while the other should just consist of vegetables/fruits/fish.
7) I shall not consume any other foods besides fruits after 9pm.

Well, these are the rules I shall abide from now on until I manage to lose 10 kg.
Of course, with this, exercise must also come along. However, I shall only put my exercise schedule up on thursday. Heh... I shall be praying hard... =)