| Royal Hearing |
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(Proverbs 31:25-26)
"She is clothed with strength and dignity; She can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." |
| Tunes in My Head |
Create your own Friend Test here |
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| Monday, November 28, 2005 |
| I dun want to do it. |
WARNING : DO NOT READ IF U ARE FEELING NEGATIVE. THE BELOW ENTRY IS NOT HAPPY.
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I dun wanna do what's right... cos it's so difficult! Ah... It's so difficult... Cant focus on studying... feel hypocritical... that I can let something drag soooo long when I often asked other people to resolve matters fast. Sigh... the sin of constantly underestimating my escapist attitude towards matters that affect me greatly. if I can take 2 years before I can start dealing with my discipline problem properly... dun even need to talk about relationships. Relationship problems are like the bane of me sometimes I feel... It can makes me lose focus on God very very easily as my brain busies myself with all the complexities and intricacies of how I can get myself into such a BIG mess.
And now... if I dun deal with this issue...likely is I aint going to help my walk with God to grow. Argh. I dislike it immensely when it has to do sth with issues that I managed to pack to Timbuctoo in my brain. It's like pulling sth out that been growing roots. deeeeep roots somemore.
Sorry folks... just pray for me to be resolved. I am quite negative now. (Pls dun ask me in public ie church service whether I am alright. You may be greeted with a 'huh?' dazed look or tears that threaten to burst the dam. You are of course welcome to ask in private ie spend time or MSN or some quiet corner.) I just need to be resolved to talk to my small group about it. Thanks goodness my best friends can hold me accountable. |
ranted by Jerraine @ 12:42 AM  |
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| Saturday, November 26, 2005 |
| A poem for those feeling a burden |
Remembering
The storm clouds gathered Drops battered the pavement Striking the man and bending his back further His wounds stung as salt seeped.
His face were shadowed
As he stumbled on to walk the path Jeers were everywhere Yet he remained silent.
No sound of anger
No sound of bitterness No sound of hate Only the silence of surrendered trust.
Burdens he carried
That are not meant for his back Burdens he relieved For those who do not deserve.
His sacrifice may go unheeded
Or even ridiculed But for those who saw and praised Joy were boundless.
After the mighty storm
That shook many a brave hearts An arch of colour simmered From the skies.
Rainbows appear
After the worst of storms No matter how dark the hour can be Light will appear at the very end.
The rainbow is a sign of God's promise
That He will guide us through any storm That He will ease all our troubles No matter what their form.
So when the days come
Filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities Filled with struggles that threaten to drown Just remember God's rainbow is coming.
Your burdens and troubles
Will go into his hand And His hand will guide you accordingly to His Plan. I dedicate this peom especially to people who are feeling under the strain of life... times when choices are hard, times when people let you down, times when your sins looked very big, times when your heart feels hard, times when God looks small besides your other commitments, times when bitterness threatens to overcome,... hope this poem can help. So... I dedicate this poem to Dewey who is going to Taiwan soon! And Joanna who is struggling to hand in all your submissions and thesis. And Huiling who is fighting her own battles. And Jen who is going through your new work and studies.
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| ranted by Jerraine @ 12:45 PM |
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| Wednesday, November 23, 2005 |
| Dusk or dawn? |
 What do you think this picture shows? A picture of dawn or dusk?
My friend sent me this poem the other day... It's also about perspectives. Hope you enjoy it.
Because, dear one, I love you.
Why, dear God, do people suffer?
Why’s there war and crime and sorrow?
My father says you have the power,To stop it all tomorrow.
“Because, dear one, I love you.”
But what of all the suffering?
It cannot please your eyes.
Surely you would have us allWith you in paradise.
"I do, dear one, but not by force,
But by your free-will love."
There're things that I so dearly need,
I wish I had them all.
If you would help me get them, God,
I'd be more at your call.
"I do not bargain, dearest one,
So choose which you desire more:
The passing pleasures of this world,
Or me, who thy soul does adore."
I guess if life were easy
And all was trouble-free,
We'd get too lazy, have no push
To reach to be like Thee.
But why allow our loved ones, God,
To suffer tragedy,
When we depend on them so much
And love them tenderly?
"Because,dear one, I love you,
And you'll have ALL one day,
When you have given all your love
To me in every way.
"When you can keep your harmony
And trust I'll fill your needs,
When you have stopped your selfishness,
Your soul-degrading deeds."
Some others are much worse than me,
Like criminals and evil ones
It seems like things are so unfair,
Why let it carry on?
"Because dear one, I love you,
And justice will prevail,
And in between it tests your faith
And trust, that must not fail."
But why give so much freedom, God,
To those who spread such evil,
Through wars and greed and hatred,
And actions of the devil?
"Because, dear one , I love you,
And all must have their chance
To choose, and learn from ill effects,
Of what they did enhance."
I wish I could remember this
Amid each daily task,
Why not make us listen, God,
That we'd do as you ask?
"Because, dear one, I love you,
And gave my gift: free will.
I would not take it back now,
Your plan you must fulfill. "
Besides, you would resent it,
If I would take away,
The challenge that you know you'll pass,
If you will walk my way."
This does not seem so easy, God,
It looks like we must take,
Responsibility for all
The choices that we make.
I guess if we desire Thee,
The price we'll have to pay,
Give up what we do not need,
And work and serve and pray.
"You're getting the idea now!
Have fun in what you do.
I made this life so full of joy,
Because, dear one, I love you!"
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| ranted by Jerraine @ 3:23 AM |
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| Monday, November 21, 2005 |
| Guard your heart |
okies... before I begin this entry... just wanna warn u all that this entry is going to be a tad more on a personal level.I may share things that u may not feel comfortable to read (i.e brothers who fear emotional sisters. lol.). maybe i shldn't write it out so blatantly sinc e I have so many concerns but well... I just wanna type it out and share it with people who might be able to relate to it. and learn also how God can help... =)
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>>> WARNING: WHAT YOU GONNA READ IS SOMETHING THAT CAN BE BIT EMOTIONAL... :P
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Have been doing my quiet time on this book called "I Kissing Dating Goodbye" and it has made me think about alot. However, I think I also picked to do my QT on it at the wrong time cos now is my exams...so I thought that I shld actually be reading abt how to be disciplined and stuff. or reading my notes right? haha... well been thinking alot abt the deceitfulness of the heart. it's like how the world likes to tell us to follow our heart... to listen to your heart... bleah bleah. typical counselling stuff that encourages you to go deep into your Self and find out abt your heart's deepest desires. SORRY. I am getting quite cynical with such things... cos if listening to our heart is so correct then Eve wont even have eaten the apple. (Yes u can sae the snake v persuasive... but she was similarly asked to look for the answer within herself and to doubt God's words) if listening to heart is true... then there should be no more heartaches cos the person your heart chooses should always be correct. if your heart is always right, then we will never make mistakes if we just follow our heart. Man is imperfect! The heart is part of the Man's body!! so... logic follows that Heart that is part of Man should be imperfect as well.
Why this sudden debate abt heart being deceitful or not? Well... cos I am thinking abt the number of times my heart lied to me. If I listened to my heart... think I wont be a christian cos that time I was feeling so guilty for 'betraying' my parents' beliefs. If I listened to my heart, then I will likely be still trying to find my security in the wrong areas. If I listened to my heart, then I will have continue being a extremely ill-discilplined person... there's too many times my heart wants me to take the easy way out becos of the pain it feels... too many times I cringe away from the action due to the heartaches I know I will face. even now my heart is hurting as I struggle not to drown in self-guilt about the way I handled my ex's passing away. Maybe I could have prevented it... maybe I could have this and that... but this are all just worldly sorrow... cos listening to my heart will disable me from listening to God....
i think it's just me being reflective. will end this entry here... |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 11:59 PM |
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| Saturday, November 19, 2005 |
| Question to ponder... |
QUESTION : Did Jesus ever felt guilty?
My first reaction was "I don't think so." (ever so cautious that my answer no longer sounds absolute.)
My second reaction was "Hmm... maybe... but I don't think so."
My third reaction was " Well... it depends on your definition of guilt."
My fourth reaction was "I think I better research on it to be firm in the knowledge of the answer."
And I realised... goodness... my bible knowledge still very shaky sia... sigh and I am coming 4 years as a Christian. Not something that I like to realize.
Aniwaes... I decided to go on researching this like how I researched for my report! But since I am supposed to be revising also, I shall limit my research to the internet and the BIBLE and whatever DPI books I have. and maybe get some first hand interviews with people.
Definition of guilt:
- Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
- Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.
- Guilty conduct; sin.
Note that I highlighted the words "wrongdoings" and "sin" and "something wrong". So basically guilt is an emotion you feel when you realised that you do something 'wrong' - something that is defined as "contrary to conscience, morality, or law; immoral or wicked; unfair; unjust."
Once I saw the defintion I was like... eh! Yeah loh... Jesus is without sin so He shld feel no guilt since guilt only occurs when you do sth sinful or wrong! and you can't sae that Jesus do not have the knowledge of not knowing what's sinful or wrong (just in case someone wanna argue abt whether jesus's actions can be wrong or right in different cultures.) In John 8:16, Jesus says this "But if I do judge, my decisions are right, because I am not alone. I stand with the Father, who sent me." Jesus was saying here that he's not the judge there NOT because he CANNOT judge but because his father will be the one who judges. And even if he judges, his decisions will be right. (note that there's no sign of uncertainty or doubt in his sentence) why? Because He was sent by the Father! Want further confirmation? Read John 3:34 "For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God[k] gives the Spirit without limit." And in the Bible, you can find this confirmation quite a few times~ heh... God knows we are people of "really??", "I not sure leh...", etc
Some people may question "so Jesus leave his mother behind like that is okay ah?" etc. And as I was thinking abt (okay... I did ask myself that question before... cos it seems abit strange that Jesus will just leave his mother and not feel any twinge abt it) and let's look at it... Jesus spends the last 3 years (or so) of his life preaching the Word and doing God's will. So... what abt the life before that? He was with his mother! Doing what? Duh... I dunno but I dare sae He was doing what a good son will do. Definitely the mother will find Him reliable loh otherwise also wont ask him to solve the wine shortage problem (erm... of cos the mother asks Jesus to solve the prob partly because she knows He's 'special'.) He was serving his role as a son until his Father called him away to fulful the prophecy and the plan.
And let's think abt the temptation that Jesus went thru in the desert? Did he ever replied wrongly? No... He did everything that was right! And I read sth interesting; or rather something that din exactly shout out to me the first time. In John 8:42-47 "Jesus said to them, "If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and now am here. I have not come on my own; but he sent me. Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don't you believe me? He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."
This verse came after Jesus asked ppl to stone the prostitute if they had not sinned before. Well... before I talk abt this verse above, Jesus asked the woman whether anyone condemned her - ie. stoned her. and the woman's reply was in the negative. and interestingly, Jesus saes, " Neither do I condemn you." Pretty interesting ah... Jesus is without sin mah... so why dun he condemn the woman? He shld be able to right? But why he din? COS HE's NOT THE JUDGE here (refer to the earlier part of this post)! He was sent to earth to preach the word abt God's grace. He did tell the woman to leave her life of sin but He did not condemn her cos it was not what God want Jesus to do. Wow... can u imagine this? Jesus following God's word in his every word and action! He had no need to feel guilt cos he never sinned against God nor did something that displeases God. Wow.
Okay... abt the verse that I shared. It realli made me suddenly very fearful when I ead it. Jesus was saying that if I can't hear what He's saying clearly, it means my father is the Devil! Okay... basically what I think He means to also sae is... if we dun follow the voice of God, we are actually listening to the voice of Satan. I was like wah... this means alot. Cos I tend to do things using my own strength ie. using my own wisdom instead of relying on God. So.... this also means that I have been listening to the Devil!! ah... and guess what... for the people I know who do not accept God's word... who have they been listening to? Yeah... that's right. The fallen angel. Wah piang... this is something realli food for thought for me! There's no grey area in this even though I like to find it. And to think abt it... it's true... when I dun rely on God's wisdom, I am always bound to get burnt out/bitter/discouraged/exhausted... and this doesn't help my relationship with God one bit. It also doesn't help in my marathon to keep on being faithful...
Okay... I am going to think somemore in private... hope this entry will provoke some thoughts in you as well. It's making me think abt some aspects of my relationship with God. =) |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 11:59 PM |
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| Friday, November 18, 2005 |
| The contradictions of Singaporeans |
Something that I read from a magazine... I was quite amused by it. So share with you all to help defuse whatever stress or unhappiness u might be having~ :
1) Sleeping with the air-con on at night and bathing with hot water during the day.
2) Can't wake up during the day; can't sleep during the night. (SO TRUE FOR ME!!)
3) Singaporean Chinese needing a translator to converse with Mainland Chinese.
4) Using mainly a foreign language to communicate with other Singaporean Chinese.
5) The dustbin besides the letterboxes contains air. The floor in front of the letter box is filled with litter.
6) Vote infrequently (It means election votes... not the Idol contests etc) but complain frequently
7) 50% of the people do not know how to speak in their mother tongue well. (ehh... i dun agree with this... think it's a fallacy leh)
8) There's a lot of 'rich' poor people. They have a car, a house, credit card and CPF; but has no cash and owe alot of debts.
9) There's a lot of developed barbarians who know how to use technologically advanced computers and handphones but yet to learn how to use a dustbin and toilet properly.
10) Shopping madly for Hello Kitties but madly killing the stray cats.
11) The government endorses the Merlion; the people is admiring a white elephant.
12) Chewing gum : Can be chewed but can't be bought.
13) Cigarettes : Very convenient to buy but inconvenient to smoke.
14) Private cars : Easier to buy; harder to maintain (with the ever-rising oil prices and road taxes...)
15) Public buses : Carrying lots of people in the front while lots of ghosts at the back?
16) Education : Teach less, learn more. |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 11:39 PM |
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| Thursday, November 17, 2005 |
| Struggling to stay awake... |
| Am I here? Or am I dreaming? |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 4:31 AM |
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| Tuesday, November 15, 2005 |
| About the Farewell Party (and others!) |
Okies... before I talk abt the farewell party, I just wanna talk abit abt the Dawn's serial drama of 'u-did-plastic-surgery-no-i-didn't-yes-you-did-no-i-did-not'. I think I did post an entry before abt how I felt after watching an episode of Extreme Makeover. For the uninitiated, basically it's a show where people send in their tapes and photos to be chosen to have a free extreme makeover (plastic surgery and all). I must sae... there was some who realli needed it becos they has serious cleft lip problems or even rotting teeth problem... However, it's amazing how much change they undergo... it's inevitable that every gal who goes on the show must have implants or liposuction around the tummy and thigh area! And every guy who goes on it also goes for liposuction around tummy area... blahz blahz!! I wonder leh... who is dictating the standards of beauty? It seems also to be quite the fashion to be overweight and go for slimming endorsements! Publicity stunt or cheapskate mentality... it just goes on to reinforce that beauty means slim (I mean slim on tv which = skinny in real life), blemish-free skin, sparkling eyes, white straight teeth!! What the heck lah... then those who cant afford plastic surgery and all the normal looking girls can hang ourselves isit? And I am getting so duhz by the flood of slimming and beauty advertisements! Go and count... I think there's at least one slimming/beauty/salon advertisement every 4 pages in any magazine! (okay if i am wrong, then make it every 6 pages) i must sae that i am not a saint lah... I was so tempted by these advertisements before... I was guilty of wanting to sign up for the Cen***s slimming endorsement competition before I got woken up by my fellow sisters (thanks gals!!), etc etc. Okay... before i go on and on and on, wht's this supposed to do with Dawn eh? Well... first thing is she's denying that she ever did plastic surgery... but puhlease loh... unless she was a butterfly in her previous life... she realli cant transform so extremely loh! I wont sae she did extreme plastic surgery... but I dare sae she at least did a nose job and maybe even double eyelids or sth... then now alot of ppl are getting indignant by her denials that it is making feel like this whole episode very soap oprea... if ppl dun wanna admit, then let them deny loh... it's her face and her body... she can do what she wants. she wanna lie and carry a lie throughout her life? her choice. it's not that she doesn't know the consequences... goodness sakes! she's an adult liao loh! okies... i am not gonna comment on this anymore... otherwise this gonna be a realll looong entry. back to the title abt the farewell party.
wah... the saturdae was quite interesting! haha besides doing some last min changes to the menu (it went thru at least 3 changes within 3 daes...!); i also had to act and after that disciplined my chaotic mind to remember what to share for Jayne! lol. I was in charge of getting the food ready and am I grateful for all the help in the kitchen! Thanks millions to Sera, Joanne Low, Joanne Lim, Erica, Khiok Seng, Lianghui, Usha Vanessa and Joanna... Vanessa and Sera had to help out even after being delirious with preparing for the props and the scrapbook respectively... It was amazing... how all the dishes pull thru... haha I had to experiment again! Okay... I will share the menu (yes... this is going to be a food-oriented sharing. =P):
1. Potato Salad (KS peeled all the potatoes' skins - two packets of potatoes mind ya! and he did it after the potatoes were boiled! He also mashed the eggs and did the mixing for the mayo. lol. basically he did this salad.)
2. Swedish meatballs and salsa. (It's my first time doing the meatballs from scratch... basically trying out the recipe I found online! haha... and I do think I cooked it a bit long when I was frying it... need lotsa practice lah... kudos to Usha for the superb tomato cutting!)
3. Fish with chilli and lime in packets (forgot to marinate fish in some salt... =P This cldn't be done without Vanessa and Lianghui!)
4. Sandwiches with broccoli and egg filling (all done by Joanne Lim)
5) Potato Curry... (haha first time I ever did this by just pure improvisation... thanks to Joanne Low and KS! haha I'll remember forever the "salty enough" and KS is still shaking the salt container for the curry. lol)
6) A beautiful fruit salad of dragon fruit, strawberries, grapes and kiwis. (done by Erica and Joanne Low... very beautiful!)
wah it was a pity that we din take pictures of the food... i was trying to get everything ready before the party started! lol. and of cos... thanks to Joseph Tan and Joanne Low... we had great drinks! Choya mixed with green tea... lemonade with a tinge of preserved plums... and sparkling juice with Absolut Vodka! haha. Joanne Low even bought a disposable blue paper tablecloth with exquisite napkins... very stylish table setting... with the already very 'cool' home of Jonathon and Wanjun... it was almost perfect. haha why almost? cos Jayne and Vincent not there yet mah!
After they arrived with our wild clapping of welcome, we went straight to the food (thanks brothers for being conservative! I heard a brother saying "I should have went in for the food if I knew it would be gone so fast" when he saw there was no rice- oh yeah thanks Sera for the great-tasting rice!) then we went into a game of Cranium in which we had to turboed a already turbo edition of Cranium... then we went into our skit... wah piang I laughed quite a lot even though i was supposed to be 'tahaning'. then we went into sharing... wah.. at first i was hesitant to share cos I dun wanna be here and there... my mind was still reeling from the busi-ness of just a hour ago... but then after hearing vanessa shared and joseph shared... i remembered what I wanted to share... and truly... Jayne realli reminded me of Proverbs 31 "A Wife of Noble Character". then we ended off with a couple of songs, "Hero" by Vanessa and Joanna and "Bu Zai You Yu" by KS and Quek with Marilyn doing the piano. Both were touching pieces... and i was quite touched by Quek's poem... (u can be a potential poet!) yeah...
and it's strange... but I no longer feel that sadness that I felt quite strongly the past few daes... Maybe it's becos my sadness is slowly being replaced by exam anxiety or what... but I think also becos I know my path will definitely cross theirs once again... and I pray for Jayne and Vincent to realli see their plans come to fruition with all the dreams they have when they go back to lead the KL church with renewed vigour and faith. Thanks for coming to NUS and changing our lives. You two truly left a deep footprint in my heart. Love ya!! |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 12:17 AM |
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| Monday, November 14, 2005 |
| Victoria's 2005 Birthdae Wishlist |
lol... i realised that last year after my wishlist... my blog was neglected for abt 2 months - 3 months before i typed anything again cos it was super busy busy busy... lol.
aniwaes... this year... haha I GOT a wishlist agaiN! eh... but hope tat i wont get the same stuff. last year i put moonflower and big pencil case. i got 2 big big pencil case and 3 moonflower perfumes. haha now still trying to use finish ONE bottle. yes... the same bottle.
Victoria's Wishlist
1. A hangout with my close friends (can be anywhere... sentosa picnic lah... or church lah...)
2. Joshua Harris's books. (Can be "Not even a Hint" or "Boy Meets Girl" or "Stop Dating the Church."
3. The mini perfume set by Body Shop... the ones that can multi-mix one... i think i like to collect scents by body shop. lol.
4. This cutting mechanism I fell in love with at Jonathon & Wanjun's hse.. (haha... yes Sera i know u will be quite pengz by this... me auntie lah)
5. A new pair of casual shoes (my shoes wear out super fast... sian ah...) or voucher... (cos my size is hard to find loh... )
Okay I shall not state too much. Lol... This are some things that I have been thinking of getting or needing... especially the VCD set... i have been eyeing it for like... 4 months? haha... think i shall also give u all the creative space lah... =P sorry if u are stumbled by my lack of humility here... it's just eh... =P. |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 1:57 AM |
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| Retro Night 2005 |
Heyhey! haha... shld have uploaded this long time ago... but well.... decided to do this now. I just woke up from my sleep. yes... sleep? woke up? the moment i came home, had dinner, bathed... and SLEPT. until 1045ish. I was like groggy for a while... aniwaes abt the retro night... it was very funny and quite fun and abit weird. why all this emotions? cos... we were in a big hall with not-so-many ppl (explains "abit weird"), the games were funny with the musical chairs and running up on stage to guess ("very funny" and "quite fun"). the music was quite funky... jus that there's some songs i cant relate. lol.
It was very fun to prepare for this party with the sistas... me, Clara, Jen, Sera and Wendy met up to do our hair and makeup... Sera brought her curling iron and did my hair!! Thanks Sera for the great job.... haha pls try to spot my curled hair... abit difficult to see from followling pictures... Sera was super giving as she had to repin my hair a few times throughout the party to keep that 'airy' look at the top of my head. eh... not saeing that i am an airhead. *bleahz* =P
then we went to jalan kayu for supper! haha it was jen's first time in jalan kayu... the prata is not as good as it was though... sad lah i think the queues and the many many customers compromised the quality... Bukit Gombak still got GREAT prata! haha. and FONG SENG aint half bad either. aniwaes... after supper we went back to Clara's hse to stay overnight... to know what happened... pls go to Jen's blog to know. i am a bit lazy to type it out... been repeating the story abit too many times. hehe.
Me and Jen... this is nearing the ned of the party... makeup gone... hair messy... but i think we still looked pretty good. =P
Retro retro background... with retro retro outfits! Here's 2 babes! =)
The 5 funky gals! I loved Jen and Clara's outfit... so ah-go-go! Sera's flower is so stunning too... haha my fave flower is lilies. =P I like Sera's outfit cos it was original... she got talent lah this gal.
okies... that's all for now... haha this blog getting more and more photo focused. hehe next i will try to share abt vincent's and jayne's farewell! =P |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 12:13 AM |
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| Thursday, November 10, 2005 |
| Some more flashes from the past |
Studying psychology helps me understand better why there are some memories you rather forget but will stick in ur mind forever and yet some will fade away even though u very much want them to stay... well below are some memories i hope i can have til I leave this world. special memories...
When RVHS finally won the finals in 1999 against Nanyang Girls for the West Zone. I can sae that in my year... the West Zone was one of the most fiercely competed. How do I know? Well... among the top 4 schools in National Zone for 1999, 3 of them came from West Zone. Heh... But well... now RVHS netball's standard seems to be different... well I am out of touch so I shan't comment too much. It was a moment of pure happines and joy that many of us cried... We were hugging each other and crying so hard! I was playing Goal Shooter (yes... I did manage to play GS rather well last time... lol) and it was such a stressful job that dae! We only won by ONE point that dae... and for the non-netball ppl.... all netball goals are counted as one point only. so it was very pressurizing... as GS's job is to just shoot and score. And I once based my confidence on how well I played so much that when I was no longer affirmed positively as a good player... my self-esteem took a great blow... and from then on... well... that's another story for another dae. =)
Eh now photos of the Thailand trip I made in 2001. It was for a so-called community project trip where students helped to build an educational developmental centre in additon to the main school. I think we were more on cultural exchange trip lah.. Haha... Aniwaes... here's a pic of Pat (she looks abt the same always ah? heh), Jen ( her hair was much longer then.) and me! haha... me and Jen decided to tie plaits... we looked so... innocent hor? Heh...Wah... during the trip in Thailand... time realli felt that it stopped. I had no notion which dae it was as everydae was so laidback... a very very different lifestyle as compared to Singapore... will try to share more abt that in another entry...
Another photo of us enjoying a dinner in the city area of Chiangmai... we finally had the chance to taste the tom yum goong... haha... not as spicy as the one i tried with my parents when i went Phuket. heh... We went to the MaeHongSong province and a village in the province to buld the centre... eh... next time I upload more Thailand photos bahz... It was definitely a memorable trip. The people and the culture and the lifestyle were quite one-of-a-kind experience for me and left me with some deep impressions about how to lead my life (though it din last that long also... lol) haha... one thing to note: I honed my playing skills of 'Dai Di' (Big Two) on this trip... cos we cldn't watch tv when we were in the village for 10 daes... it was all in thai... so u can imagine what we did for entertainment... play cards loh... when we were on the long rides? play cards loh... when we were on airplane? play cards loh... lol.
haha.. one of the farniest highlight of my trip! haha.. I believe when some brothers and sisters went to ChiangMai just last month, that they went to the same elephant farm... I am glad to hear that the facilities have somewhat improved! haha in case u are wondering why I was stretching my hand all the way to Jen's side... is becos the only 'seatbelt' we had on the 'any-time-can-fall-down' seat was a 'long-overused-and-no-longer-safe' mountain rope kinda thing. it was super loose and I dunno what safety function it was supposed to serve. lol... so i grab one end of the seat and used my arm to give Jen a better 'seat belt'. lol. yes... i was very motherly even then... lol. It was very farnie cos we had a short walk on the elephant.. and I kept noticing piles and piles of elephant waste around... then the person told us that the elephant can walk and still erm excrete waste at the same time one... wah piang... made me tell myself that i will never walk behind an elephant...! haha though when I might ever do such a thing also is a puzzle.
okay... these are some photos... i need to scan and edit more lah... but eh... wait til weekend or for after my exams liao... my exams are coming!! on 23rd Nov, 28th Nov and 1 Dec!!!!!!!!! Wah... all super near... lol. nvm... heh. pls pray for me!
And so far... I have been able rather successful in putting some pieces of past behind me. Though I think I need to check with other ppl whether I am really successful. =P Ciaos! |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 1:45 AM |
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| Tuesday, November 08, 2005 |
| Potential threat weapon : Blogging! |
haha... has been reading the past few daes abt how blogs can be used as a tool of revenge... especially for gals and guys who been dumped by totally 'cmi' ppl... e.g. unfaithful, unreasonable, abusive... the list goes on. and how some people have been brought to court cos of extremely provocative remarks and postings... and how one very popular blogger incurred the wrath of many people (even overseas!!) and evidently 'many many' ppl went to complain lah. well i have now taken the view point - if they are not ppl i know personally (as in I can see them and sms them and call them.), whatever they sae.. i am going to just take with pinch of salt. and some with BIG pinches... what the heck... with whole truckload of salt. like the same popular blogger who incurred the wrath of many... she's like one of the magazine articles or horror of horrors a exaggerated version of TNP. reporting real news with dramatic effects milked to the best. so i am like... "orh... *yawnZz*." haha. am I suffering from some sort of apathy or sth? lol.
aniwaes... i just wanna share abt a funny incident that i observed todae. haha in order to make sure i wont be sued for libel, or be called to court, i shall not use real names and i shall be very inspecific to the person's identity.
A brother i know that belonged to an particular educational institution in a country on this earth was witnessed to ask to be driven to his residence on campus. this happened when this brother was not even 1km away from his residence. and people usually walk the distance without complaining much. well what's funny was that this brother actually said at least 3 times (after being 'rejected') that he would walk back. but 2 seconds later, he would then come up with another reason to try to persuade the brother who was driving. haha... super farnie. okay maybe people who reads this wont get it lah... cos i need to be super inspecific. but well... it was farnie to me.
okay... signing out. me gonna study... and type my LAST term paper. yay! |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 1:05 AM |
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| Monday, November 07, 2005 |
| Can you love someone without regular communication? |
Okay lemme first explain the inspiration behind this article... It came from the latest posting (6Nov) on one of my friend's blog. Well he concluded that it's possible... but communication is still very important. So thus opens this post... (be warned that it may get very long or it can ramble into my past experiences or my friend's experiences.) so there. the disclaimers. read on if u are still interested.
let's look at the definition of love. Below are some definitions I found from the dictionary.com.
-A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
-A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
-Sexual passion.
-An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
-A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
-An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
So far it talks all about emotions; about intense and deep passions, affection, attraction... basically intangble stuff... things that my psychology textbooks will like to sae "things that are hard to measure" and some other "hard to operationalize" stuff. I shant bore u all with my psychological terms (i've been reading notes dae and night... brain is abit saturated with their words... so pardon me.). in self-help books or in relationship-help books, communication is a key area in which these books will wax lyrical about. they will go on and on about how girls and guys have different love systems, different love values, different communication methods. think "men from mars, women from venus" kind of books. not that i dislike these books ah... i like them well enough. eh... i am digressing.
okay... so from the definitions above, can u love someone without regular communication? I think the answer is YES. can the love last? ah... that is something that shld be tested in the lab. to get unbiased, valid, generalizable results. erm.... what i meant is love is an emotion. whether the emotion can last long and consistent without regular communication seems dubious. it's like asking whether u believe in love @ first sight. to some ppl, love = intense emotion of attraction. to others, love = intense emotion of attraction over a prolonged period of time. yeah... another factor to consider. Time.
my friend thought she liked this guy for about 2 years. did they ever talk? yes... but far and between. and she knew he didn't and never reciprocated her feelings (he had 2 girlfrens. enuff said.) what abt those adoring fans out there? i dare sae that there are some fans out there who professed to be intensely in love with their idols and that they can even die to prove their love. did they communicate regularly with their idols? I dun think so. what abt long i can go on and on... but okay enough what i typed. do someone realise a loophole in my talk? heh yes... i din talk abt God's love. or rather His definition of love.
His definition of love definitely includes communication. Think of Jesus praying so many times... and the Bible reminded us to keep talking to God. Why? Becos in order to build a relationship with God... and what kind of relationship? a loving one! So thus... the definition of love in God's terms can be quite different in the worldly terms. and i think lah... in order to have a godly relationship with the opposite gender, regular communication is a MUST. otherwise one can keep on guessing what the other partner is doing... or thinking. okay maybe u can argue that if u trust the person, u need not communicate so regularly. eh... then how do u explain why so many long-distance relationships fail? and those that survived often receives amazingly high phone bills? or air ticket bills?
after typing and typing... i think it's possible to fall in love with someone without regular communication but to continue to be in love... at least the kind God wants to see, communication is a must.
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okay... just wanna go on to something that's not related. heh heh. todae i just made a decision. what kind of decision? the decision to let go. to let go of what? something that has been badgering me for abt... 6 years. and to the more observant, they may notice a change in my appearance (hint: my left hand). decided to learn to come to terms with it before the end of this year is coming. i am going to be 4 yars as a christian liao... and it's putting me increasingly in a more and more 'pondering' mood. aniwaes... me going to continue to pray abt it... and please pray for me to continue to surrender to God abt this...
gonna end here. ciao. |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 8:06 PM |
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| Sunday, November 06, 2005 |
| How Old My Brain Is... |
| You Are 25 Years Old | 
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
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| ranted by Jerraine @ 10:12 PM |
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| Saturday, November 05, 2005 |
| What You Really Think Of Your Friends |
What You Really Think Of Your Friends
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Pat is your soulmate. |
| You truly love None. |
| You consider Jen your true friend. |
| You know that Joanna Lim is always thinking of you. |
| You'll remember Sera for the rest of your life. |
| You secretly think Christine is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times. |
| You secretly think that Wanjun is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker. |
| You secretly think that Huiling is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Huiling changes lovers faster than underwear. |
| You secretly think Vanessa is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Vanessa has a hidden internet romance. |
Haha... Vanessa has a secret internet romance... lol... and I love no one!!!!!!!! |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 9:03 PM |
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| Friday, November 04, 2005 |
| Running Away |
Unknown beasts seem to hound every step
Evil cackling drift in from every corner
Figment of a over-stressed imagination
Or part of a nightmare one can't get out from. |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 12:07 PM |
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| Thursday, November 03, 2005 |
| With more freedom comes more responsibility. |
Eh... well... was thinking quite a lot todae doing my QT on yesterdae's lesson by Wee Keong. I appreciated the lesson alot. It came @ the best timing manz. (Yes God... u always so perfect timing one. *grinz*) And I was thinking abt how it's so easy to get into the routine of doing QT that... it becomes just a routine. I can forget quite easily that this 'routine' is going to help me stay faithful. I forget that this so-called routine is going to help me last the marathon to reach Heaven. When it just becomes a routine, my relationship with God also become very mundane when it should be passionate and earnest. And when I feel this way... it's like a golden opportunity for Satan to get a foothold in my life. When everything seems so ... stagnant, it's so easy for Satan to throw sth my way and distract me from the path I am supposed to be walking on. It's a NARROW path! (warning ah... i am linking my thoughts left, right, center. if u get lost... erm. read from the beginning again.)
And how as I am becoming a 4-year christian, I still struggle with just spending time with God... alot of times my heart was either not into it; or distracted; or rushed. I was never realli consistent on being focused or just being in deep communion with God. No. I was far too busy trying to accomplish this and that in the world that I neglected to really spend time with God with utmost devotion. And due to my distracted nature... I will only realise this when it's been happening a long time. Just thinking that God often sets up a time with me to just see me rushing, making phone calls, treating my time with Him as mere duties... I think I really hurt God so many umpteen times. And as I mature as a Christian... it's so true that I am given more 'freedom'. I am no longer required to 'share' my QT regularly with my discipler as last time. As a young Christian, many people will ask me abt my QT and how I am doing it... whether I need help. It may seem like a curb of my freedom to some people. Somehow as I got older, I seem to lose the habit to share my daily QT with at least one person. It became a chore... a routine that I finally found myself shedding it. As now the church addresses accountability issues and etc, I realised that if we want to have more freedom and not be so so-called 'controlled' or 'legalistic', we need to embrace the fact that we are responsible for our own salvation and also responsible to try our best to help one another! However, I myself for one dun see that I have that kind of mindset. Like I wishes to have the freedom to decide when i am going home for dinner... will i get grouchy when I reach home not eating dinner and finding no dinner at home? will i try to get my mom to cook me noodles, stating the reason that i'm tired? Will I wish to have more freedom in my finances, but do i realise that I need to handle it with discipline? When people no longer asks so much, do I realise that I should be responsible to speak up more... to share more? I dun think so.
Jesus also had a lot of freedom from God... we dun see God sending missives to Jesus everydae on what to do and how to do... No. Instead we see Jesus praying @ all moments... even when he had alot to do, he always prayed... always seeking God's advice and treasuring it as the most important. Thus He was able to accomplish so many impossible things even as He was stripped of all His powers. Just because he relied on God totally and allowed God to work through himself.
Well... now I am trying to pick up the habit to meditate. It's quite impossibly hard for me as my mind often thinks 4 kinds of things at one time. and though we need not empty our minds when we meditate... it's kinda hard for me to just focus on one thing at one time. I tried but gave up after a while. I think this time I shall try to at least meditate once a dae... to make it into a godly habit!
haha... sorry for the long entry... hope no one is falling asleep at this entry... |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 11:00 PM |
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| Wednesday, November 02, 2005 |
| More memories... |
Heyhey... now working @ danny's office now... just finished admin stuff... so now posting more pictures that i was posting half-way yesterdae... my computer hung again!! @@#%$%$^@ i think i realli need to go buy new processor... sighz. it's been hanging too often. even after i do so many 'sayang' to it. aniwaes... below are photos of my JC and secondary class... and also... a mysterious someone. lol. go and see!
Spot Jen and Patricia below bahz! Again... I am the photographer. so dun have me inside. lol. =P Taken during JC2 years.
This is taken during the end of secondary 2. haha... spot pat again bahz. seems like Pat never change much hor? lol. and yes... I am the photographer again! hahaz.
haha... guess who is this? haha... my first ever crush. and it realli crashed and burned then. cos my secondary 2 english teacher went to babbled abt it in his class (she also taught his class). it was like super big obvious hint. ("this tall girl in 2D seems to like the tallest guy in this class (2J)!"-similar comment) How did she find out? cos my friends were teasing me abt it in her class when we were supposed to be doing project discussion. She overheard it loh.. haha... it was such a traumatising experience for me cos i was in the same third language class for him!!
Haha... come to think abt it... it so long in the past. at that time, it seemed like the end of the world for me. at that time, it was the first time i ever admitted i liked someone and it was like a major scar to me. now... after like... 8 years? it's like such a small thing that which at that time made me felt so much like dying. it's realli true that many things that seemed so jialat just needed a shift of perspective. at this time, after i went through 2 relationships and so many other major events in my life, this embarassing incident is just an amusing memory for me. A perspective can either make ur world seemingly crash around u or can make the world a very happy place to live in. Thus, I count myself lucky that I am now a Christian... who can at least try to refer to God's perspective and not be so bogged down by the 'negativity' of the worldly perspectives. Thank you, Father, for saving me.
Coming to think about it... Many people turn to suicide or to other forms of comfort e.g. alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, etc when they need comfort or assurance when negative events happen. Often, this happens because the negative event is magnified so many times under their perspective and everything seemed to be so disastrous. I know because I feel that way so many times... I once wanted to commit suicide as I felt unloved at home or in the school. And this happened when I was in primary 4!! Why did I had that perspective? I felt that the school was a nightmare as I was constantly bullied by one guy in my class; and my parents din love me enough to find out why I was so afraid of school and when they knew, they just felt that it was nothing serious. I was sitting at the perch of a staircase balcony and I remembered looking downwards and... Of course i din jump lah. I remembered realising that it's going to be very painful if I did jump. Yeah... and studying psychology and reading so many experiments and cases really dawned on me how worldly wisdom can destroy us as it can warp our perspectives on so many issues. things can seem so negative and so terrible when actually... it can be so simple if we just trust in our Father. And I can also relate this to sharing my faith so much more urgently.why? cos... i should have the urgency to want to share in this godly wisdom and help others to be released from the shackles of the world. haha... i can realli connect connect hor? aniwaes... hope this entry not too confusing. lol enjoy.
will update more photos later... when i am home and scanned more photos. |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 5:22 PM |
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| Tuesday, November 01, 2005 |
| Guess who's my dad? |
haha... some of u might have seen my dad before. but well... decided to have a little quiz...
Spot my dad! hehe the person who gets it correct first gets a mystery prize. please kindly answer in my tagboard. =)
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| ranted by Jerraine @ 11:42 PM |
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| yay! |
i am happy again. managed to put in a good amount of hours studying todae... and managed to read 5 experiments... erm. well 15 to go. but well... AND I FOUND MY OLD PHOTOS! haha... aniwaes. hehe. going to put it all up. going to shock some ppl... (*ahem* Jen.. remember... u were in some of my old photos... heh) bleahz. wait and see bahz. haha... i was* realli cute as a baby! haha (note the past tense. heh)
Sera, if u wanna compete... pls upload ur pictures and we let our readers decide. lol. yeah i am in a high mood... it's like this when one reads and reads and reads... ... .... and guess what? i also finished philospher's stone and order of phoenix and the half blood prince... in 3 hrs. i am crazy. yipes. |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 9:41 PM |
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| sad sad... |
| just realised i lost my photos... some photos that is. photos of me in Thailand, my primary school photo... etc. pls pray that i will find them soon. sobz. |
| ranted by Jerraine @ 1:49 AM |
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